This will be a
fairly personal musing on the process of becoming an academic scholar, and the iterative and challenging nature of it. Here, I am referring to the
journey from the first year of undergraduate studies to graduation three or
four or more years later, and, for a number of graduates, the journey into Masters
and Phd study beyond that. In my professional
life currently I have two roles: I am a PhD student, but I also work in a
writing centre, with undergraduate student writers. My work is focused on
helping students to make sense of what they are learning about so that they can
write about their knowledge and learning in new and varied forms, that show
their lecturers and tutors that they are becoming people who know things. This
is perhaps quite a simplistic way of looking at the matter, but this is, in
essence, why students write: to demonstrate their ability to work with and
communicate knowledge in the forms recognised by the disciplines or
environments they are working in. In both of these roles, I have been thinking
about this: what is involved in this process of becoming someone who knows and
can demonstrate that knowledge, and be recognised as a knower? How can I, as
both a student myself and someone who works with students, unpack and
understand this process so that I can be more successful in both roles?
I will reflect
on my role as a student first. I have been studying, on and off, for fourteen years
now, and I am not yet finished. There was quite a long gap – five years –
between finishing my MA and registering for my PhD. It took me a while to feel
ready to take on this challenge, largely because I shifted fields as a result
of the work I was doing during that time. So, I not only took on a hugely
challenging task in the form of writing a PhD thesis and all that goes into
that, I also took on the task of reading, thinking and writing my way into a
new field of research, knowledge and practice. It has been, to say the least, a
humbling process, even though it has been quite rewarding at times, and
certainly interesting. It has been humbling because of this thing of knowledge
and knowing, and the feeling of empowerment and confidence that comes with
feeling that you know – what to say, what to write and how to make sense of
what you hear and read and fit that new knowledge into what is already in your
head. I don’t often feel that I know, these days. The theory I am drawing on is
very new to me, and at times very dense and incomprehensible, even. In my
previous field and studies I felt I could speak and write and read with far
more confidence, and when I hear people speaking about their research in that
field, I feel this wonderful sense of familiarity and being ‘at home’. I have
not yet reached this place entirely in my new field, but I am not completely in
the dark either. I move between knowing and not knowing – between definitely, maybe and I have no idea! – fairly often, and
it’s not always easy. It’s often frustrating and I find it hard to stay
motivated and keen when it gets really tough and I have loads of other
pressures on me, from work and family and life in general.
This leads me to
my role at work, in the writing centre. I work with undergraduate students who
are on this journey from not knowing to knowing, and myself and the writing
tutors work to help them make enough sense of what they do know and what they
bring with them to tutoring sessions so that they can communicate this
knowledge effectively and appropriately. My experience on my own learning
journey has been a useful starting point for reflecting on just how frustrating
and even alienating this process can be for students who are new to tertiary
learning, and to the different ways in which disciplinary knowledge is taught
and needs to be learnt and communicated. [It must also be recognised that in
addition to this challenge many students in South Africa who come from poor
home and school backgrounds have many other educational, personal and financial
challenges that further add to their already full plates.] Learning is an
iterative journey – students at any level move between knowing and not knowing
and back again many times as they encounter new arguments and theories and practices.
And the process of learning and integrating new knowledge with existing knowledge
is a constant one that will continue beyond the university. A big part of what
tertiary education needs to do is to support students in navigating this
iterative process by giving them the tools they need to manage this process
effectively, inside and beyond the university. A writing centre is one space in
which students can learn useful tools for connecting dots using language, and
for practicing the different forms of communicating their knowledge to their
peers in ways that will be recognised and rewarded. It is also a space,
importantly, where is it okay to not know (at least for a little while J).
As a student and a tutor, these spaces where one can not know and muddle
through to a place where knowing seems possible and things are clear, and then
move back into a space of doubt and confusion (knowing and hoping it won’t last
long!) is so important. It is important because I can be in that space with
others who are on the same journey, but perhaps at different points along the
way, so there is support and recognition and validation; it is a space where
the doubt, confusion and questioning are recognised as a necessary and useful
part of the iterative process of learning and becoming and coming to know,
rather than viewed as evidence that one is not coping or in the wrong place.
I know, because
of my own self-knowledge, and my previous learning experiences at university,
that the confusion and doubt are not permanent states, but only part of the process.
If I hang in there and keep reading and writing and asking questions, I will
get to where I need to me. But, my experience has shown me that many undergraduate
students, particularly those from poor socioeconomic and educational
backgrounds, do not always have that same kind of self-confidence. For many the
not knowing is overwhelming and the challenge of staying motivated and engaged in
the learning process is too great. One
of the ways in which I think we could help these students is through creating
more spaces, in and outside academic departments and disciplines where not
knowing is recognised as a part of the journey towards knowing, and where the
iterative and complex process of learning can be seen as such and supported in
relevant and creative ways. I am proud to work in one of those spaces.
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